An open letter to music

Dear Music,

I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know how you'd be there for me all the time. I didn't know how you'd permeate every bit of my life. How I'd hear a simple cello line in a song and wonder, "Could that have been me?" I didn't know how I'd relish spending my precious little free time transforming you from a piano/vocal score, fleshing you out into a four part concoction for the girls to play. I didn't know I'd get to the point where I panic if my cello isn't prominent in the rear view mirror, thinking I forgot it on the way to a gig. I didn't know how you would give me goosebumps to play gentle lines, being part of something bigger than myself. I didn't know that you would fill me the way you do and be missed when you're not there. Would I not love you as much if you were my profession? Would I feel you as a weight on me instead of a joy? I don't know. Was I simply scared of failing you in not pursuing you? I don't know what the future holds for us, but I promise to keep you as close as you are now. I promise to do the best I can.

Love,
Tiffany

What I Learned (and did) On My Summer Vacation

Okay, so this post is a little tardy, but I still feel like I've got to make the effort. I had a summer that seemed to fly by. Busy at work, didn't even get to take my full vacation, but I squeezed a lot in there.

What I Learned:
That I absolutely love being a mom to an amazing little boy.
That said little boy LOVES the beach and would throw himself in the ocean given half a chance.
That I love salads with chicken more than anything.
That yoga daily has done more for my body than all those hours spent at the gym.
That yoga + walking + eating healthier has started to make me look like pre-cancer me again.
That it is possible to reclaim one's abs after a c-section.
That sometimes the best things in life are free.
That my son is a daredevil and will go on any carnival/amusement park ride I will let him on.

What I Did:
Played about a half dozen weddings with the Prima Quartet - the best looking and sounding string quartet on Long Island.
Got to hang out with Merry Berry, who I miss terribly.
Took Luke to a few carnivals and stuck him on a few fire engines, boats and merry-go-rounds.
Met Annie and Ahmed and Ismaeel at Adventureland where we put the boys on rides together.
Went one night to see Stealin' Dan which rocked out for over 2 hours and was easily the best concert I've ever seen. And it was free. I have to expound here - the concert was at the Sayville Marina beach - which is on the body of water between the south shore of LI and Fire Island. It was an incredibly muggy night and it was delicious to be by the ocean breeze. No one wanted to go with me, so I went all by myself. Which was fine, because I could sit anywhere I wanted, no one talked to me and I sang out loud to all the songs. They were awesome. Steely Dan is a top notch band which used some of the all-time best studio musicians. Stealin' Dan didn't disappoint. They actually played Aja. They played all my favorites. (Except for Deacon Blues) They played for 2 hours. I was in heaven. Since I couldn't justify spending $80 for Steely Dan tickets, this was a good compromise.

So, all in all it was a good summer. We made it through with not too many bumps and bruises and had some fun.

Diamond Dave, No One Can Hold a Candle

I finally purchased the latest album by The Bird and The Bee. They are my newest favorite group. They compete with Steely Dan for playtime on my pandora.com account. I love the melodies. I love the hipness. I love Inara and want to be her. She looks like a cute spy that you want to hang out with and share Cold War secrets with in the liner notes. I sing along out loud in the car. Listening to them makes me want to go out and overhaul my wardrobe at Anthropologie. I want to wear pencil skirts with matching scarves. I want wear red lipstick and berets. Go give them a listen.

Getting My Latin On

So two weeks ago (I know, I know, I'm a delinquent blogger) I participated in the Hispanic Heritage assembly. It was really quite neat - kids from all nationalities participated. We had 2 speakers, one of which is the conductor/musical director for "In the Heights", the Tony-nabbing show of 2008. The kids sang a song from the show called "Piragua". They were singing and dancing and the MD from the show was playing piano. Knowing of my musical prowess, they asked me to play some auxillary percussion and who am I to decline small children? So I jammed on the guiro. I rocked so well, that I didn't even need cues to tell me when to come in or drop out. Each time the MD went to cue me, I was already there.

So, that makes TWO Broadway musicians I've played with.

I am sooo kewl.

You'll Shake It Like You Just Don't Care

I discovered the Bird and the Bee on WFUV. Love them. They're a mix of trip-ish hop, lounge, tropicalia and alternative. I think of Pants whenever I hear "Polite Dance Song" since it mentions wanting to see someone's "naughty bit". That's such a Pants phrase.

But they're cool. So cool in fact that I actually plunked down a hard-earned $5 for an EP. For 5 measly songs. But they're such kick-ass songs that I didn't even mind.

Another Coincidence

Okay. So there's been quite a few coincidental things popping up in my life lately. Last weekend on Saturday, we went to Emily's memorial. It was beautiful. Tons of singing, music and memories. Luke LOVED the singing and music. He was transfixed by it and whenever there was singing, he was trying to sing along in his own little baby way. It made me do a lot of thinking about where I am and where I want to be in life. A lot of food for thought. Monday, I get into the office, have a crazy morning and then I have a moment to just settle in to my work and enjoy the classical station I have playing on my computer. And out of nowhere I hear "The Swan" from "Carnival of the Animals" by Dvorak. It's not a piece they play often, due to its novelty. However. It's the piece that Emily taught me that summer. Not only did I learn a piece that was way harder than anything I had attempted up to then, but she had me perform it at full assembly. In front of a lot of people. Accompanied only by a dancer and a pianist. From memory. Things I thought I'd never be able to do. So, I pose to you - was that a message from Emily?

More Beethoven

Played a short little concert today. Since I lost my cello strap I was practically chasing my cello across the floor as I played. Not so much fun. But it was nice to just play and to be appreciated.

Sometimes I love playing my cello so much that it scares me.

E.T. Phone Home

So I had this dream last night (or rather this morning since it occurred after I woke up in a panic after checking Luke, since he slept from midnight to 6am) about E.T. E.T. was in the hospital and I was with my Auntie Glo (who passed away right before Easter). Except she looked like she did a good 10 years ago or so. And she wanted to visit E.T. since she knew he was really sick (like towards the end of the movie where he's separated from Elliot). And we found the room that he was in and she walked right in and held his hand. Okay. Now that's a weird dream to begin with, but when I got in to work this morning, I decided to put on the classical station. And about 10 minutes later, the closing music from E.T. starts playing.

This is going to sound completely weird, but I feel like my premonitions are getting a teensy bit stronger. I've had a few weird feelings the last couple of weeks that have come true. Driving to my parents' house last week to pick up Luke, I thought, "Maybe my mom doesn't have her class tonight and I'll see her." Lo and behold, mom was home sick.

Remembering Emily

Two weekends ago one of my first cello teachers passed away. In some twist of coincidence, her husband plays baseball with mine. And her husband had visited the camp she worked at the summer I was a camper there. So, I had met him before my husband did.

But I digress.

It was the first time I had really intensive lessons. It was the first time I really delved into learning the cello. It was the first time I played "real" music in orchestra, not watered-down, simplified versions. (We played the overture to The Barber of Seville, the second movement of Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony, the 2nd movement of Beethoven's 7th Symphony) Emily had me study Saint-Saens' Swan from the Carnival of Animals. Not only did I learn it, but she had me perform it at an all-camp assembly, from memory and with a piano accompaniment and a dancer. Never had someone had so much confidence in me that I could pull something like that off. She taught me to "feel" music rather than just play it.

There are times you know your musicianship is being changed. There's definitive moments to the shaping of who you are as a musician. For me, the first one was studying with Emily. She taught me to not be self-conscious when I play. To try making things up as I go along. To just take risks as a musician.

Now I wonder. I've posted my question to the universe as "The Three Only Things" suggests. I asked about what it is I really should be doing, and what it is that I'm meant to do. Hearing about Emily makes me re-visit what it means to me to be a musician and what I want to do with it. It makes me remember what a magical summer that was for me and how I felt like a "real" musician for the first time.

Mr. Beethoven, If You Please

I had a rehearsal for the Island Chamber Symphony. It's a small group (obviously, since it's a chamber group) and I simply get a gas stipend, not a usual check, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of playing for them. It's the only classical music I'm doing lately, and I feel like it keeps me in check and keeps my classical chops in gear.

We're doing (did, since we had our concert earlier today) Beethoven's 8th Symphony, which has this wicked little cello part in the 3rd movement. And I was sitting up front by myself. So I get through it, and the conductor says, "You know, I've heard Ricardo Muti do this with the Philadelphia Philharmonic and I could swear that it's one cello at that point, and since you did it so beautifully, how about you play it alone?"

I was mortified and excited all at once.

So we try it again, this time me playing the part alone. And it's this little minuet type thing where it's just basically the French horns and myself. And I manage to get through it again and sound not-so-bad.

And you know what happened? Everyone applauded! It was so cool. I was embarrassed and damn proud all at once.

The sad thing? I hadn't practiced the part like I had wanted to. I went in and winged it. And it just came so naturally to me. Which always makes me wonder and regret and wish and pontificate. Should I have been a music major? Where would I be now if I had? Is it too late to go back?

And He Wouldn't Want Us To Give it Away

...Not Sweeney. Not Sweeney Todd.

Okay. I confess. I'm a huge huge music geek. Tommy laughs at me often for what I come up with sometimes. My poor son will be subjected to car rides with mom blasting Sondheim, Jason Robert Brown and the like. I laugh heartily at the musical-related jokes on Will and Grace. I laugh even harder at the jokes on Frasier that are musically-related.

I've seen Sweeney Todd in many incantations:

1. My first experience with the show was seeing Hofstra University's Gray Wig theatre company do a production of it. My friends were all playing in the pit and I absolutely fell in love with the show and learned as much as I could about it.

2. The original Broadway production - not in person, but via video. The one most people think of when they think of Sweeney. Angela Landsbury really shatters the whole "Jessica Fletcher" persona there. (Yes, yes, I know she played Mrs. Lovett before the 'Murder She Wrote' lady.)

3. My next encounter with the demon barber was playing in the pit for Calhoun High School's production of the show. It was fun, and the music is great and the kids really did a bang-up job. It's an incredibly hard show to sing and coordinate, but they really pulled it together.

4. The in-concert version done by the San Francisco opera. It featured Patti LuPone, George Hearn and of all folks, Neil Patrick Harris (yup, Doogie himself). It was so well-done, creatively staged for an in-concert production and everyone seriously sang their asses off.

5. The brilliant revival that showcased the actors playing the instruments. Brilliant. Loved every minute of it. I sat there just saying, "That's Evita." "I'm actually watching Evita right in front of me." Patti LuPone and Michael Ceveris - Tony winners. I was glued. And like the good music geek I am, had my picture taken with Patti LuPone and got her autograph.

But the most recent is:

6. The unbelievable film version that Tim Burton brought to life. It was absolutely breathtaking from beginning to end. I loved every minute of it. And of course it was heightened by the fact that it was my first post-baby outing that didn't have an errand attached to it. It was just Diane, Mom and I having a girls' evening out. I even smuggled in Taco Bell to really live it up. The entire cast was perfectly...well...cast. The scenery was the uber-drab London done so dismal, but not to the point of being a cliche. The songs seemed like they belonged perfectly, not like "Hey, let's all break into song right now". I'd be super happy and have renewed admiration for the Oscars if this won Best Picture.

So go see it. Now. It's the kind of film that screams to be seen on a big screen with huge, surrounding sound that really gives you every note of the lush score.

Side note: As much as I like the fact that movie musicals are making a comeback (Chicago, Hairspray, etc.) I don't understand why there was a need to movie-cise the musical "Mamma Mia". This was one of the trailers before Sweeney. I mean, I love ABBA as much as the next gal, but really.....

My Kid's Got Mad Class Yo

So capping off my delightful weekend was a concert given by the Long Island Philharmonic. The program was an "All American" variety, consisting of Bernstein, Barber, Copland, and of course Gershwin. It was probably one of the best, if not the best concert I've ever seen. It opened with Bernstein's 'Overture to Candide' and closed with Gershwin's 'Rhapsody in Blue'. I got goosebumps and tears in my eyes when they did "Adagio for Strings" and again during "Rhapsody in Blue". And it was just obvious that the music director, David Wiley was just enjoying the hell out of it. He was smiling and bopping along while conducting. That's probably what I enjoyed most - seeing him and the piano soloist for Rhapsody enjoy the heck out of playing that. It was almost like a series of private jokes between the two of them.

But apparently I wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. Baby Jordan woke up up during 'Candide', and was incredibly active the rest of the concert. They seemed to like 'Fanfare for the Common Man' which opens with HUGE drum blasts and a gong. I kid you not though, the entire concert this kid was all over the place. Which means either they really liked it or were being highly bothered by it all. I'm hoping for the former!

The Saga Continues

So, all day I'm worried sick about the fallout from the Missing Sub at Thursday's Matinee saga. I actually cried a little over it. I mean, my reputation is what's on the line here, and that's just not cool. So I'm sweating it out all day, worried about it to the point where I really don't even want to go. But I do.

Long story short?

The sub LIED. Lied straight out and said it was my fault that there was no cellist. Ummmmm....no. I have documentation. Emails confirming that said sub would be in that seat on November 1st at 2:00 p.m. So my reputation is fine. The sub's? Not so much I don't think. AND I had a great show on Saturday night and the music director bought the first round of drinks (don't worry, all I had was pineapple juice) and showered his principles (no subs at that show) with love. So it turned out to be all good.

But I mean, can you believe that?

Chaos to the Googleplexth Degree

Yesterday was very black and white. It was either supremely good stuff happening, or supremely bad stuff happening. Which is interesting, because I'm a huge "the universe is balanced" believer, but was not making for a very cohesive day.

Bad Stuff
Work computer turned itself off about 4 times. Which we figured was due to my gazillion songs on/in iTunes. So I was given an external hard drive to keep my tunage and productivity up.

Find out that my sub for the afternoon matinee show didn't show up due to his writing the date down incorrectly in his planner. Ummmm......jury's still out on this one. I'm not quite sure how to process it. I mean, it was obvious that he felt horrible, as I would if god forbid I ever did that. But I'm still...unsettled by it all.

Work is just crazy. Tons of projects in tons of different directions.

Good Stuff
A luncheon I was invited to (toted as a tasting with Lydia of the Lydia's Italian Kitchen fame) turned out to be a surprise shower for me and Baby Jordan. I was so touched and so surprised that I started to cry. It was such an incredibly nice gesture that I really was bowled over. And it was a nice afternoon. Plus I got the Vera Bradley bag I wanted and a really beautiful elephant bank from Tiffany's.

Found out an event that was going to happen at a lovely location than on campus. Having a huge event on campus would have been a nightmare of logistics.

Went to Verizon Wireless to add Tommy to my plan and was able not only to get him a phone but myself a new one as well and because I procured both phones on one day, they were buy-one-get-one AND I had a voucher for a new phone for myself due to my contract being up, so my phone was free. Meaning both phones were free.

But all in all, I just melted into the couch when I got home last night. I plan on doing more melting today after work.

What's a Music Geek to Do?

It's Halloween and I'm in a quandry. What do I listen to today? Do I go with WFUV who is playing "guilty pleasure songs" today? Do I find recordings of Robert Goulet to pay tribute to him? Do I listen to the classical station of the NY Times who will surely be playing things like "Danse Macabre" and "In the Hall of the Mountain King" - an intellectual celebration of Halloween??

I went with WFUV. I mean, c'mon. They're playing things like Kenny Loggins, Genesis, James Brown singing "Hot Pants" and M.C. Hammer. If that's not inducing some fun in your workday, what would?

But I do feel bad about Robert Goulet. I'll have to play him tomorrow. RIP Mr. Goulet.

Lost in the Music

I had completely forgotten what yesterday was. Utterly and completely. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Should I be cognisant of the fact that 3 years ago yesterday I was diagnosed with cancer and started a long climb uphill to being healthy again? Or should I just let it fade into the past, as far as it'll go?

I was checking my email before dashing out to the Sunday matinee just in case there were any last minute directives from the music director. But there was an email from my dad. It was a journal entry had made 2 Februarys ago about a nice dinner we had shared and how it gave us some normalcy from the then hard routine of radiation treatments (I had driven 50 miles from work to radiation and then another 30 or so home - 5 days a week for 3 1/2 weeks). And under that was a new entry about how far everything has come and how I have this new miraculous event going on and where we all were 3 years ago. And WHAM! It was like a wet towel hit me in the face. How could I have forgotten? I mean, fall always reminds me of that hellacious time, where we didn't know what was going on with me, what was wrong, what would fix it. And I just lost it. Cried and cried and cried. Luckily, it's a long-ish, quiet drive to the theatre because I cried the whole way there. It was as if something had been bottled up for a long time and had to be let out.

By the time I got to the theatre, I was a little more composed. Crying had stopped and I was ready to just go it and play. I decided to just throw myself into the score in front of me and get lost in it. And it worked. I played really well (or so I thought!), and enjoyed the music. It's really a good score and we're at the point where we know our parts and are really just cooking together. The tempos are familiar and we just click along with it. I'm not even feeling pukey when those 2 honkin' cello solos come up now, I'm more comfortable with those.

So even though I was dragging my feet to get up and ready yesterday, it was the best thing in the world for me to have played. Cleared my head, got me going and made me feel good. While I was playing I kept saying to myself, "F&ck you cancer, you haven't taken ANYTHING away from me." A little cliched, yes, but true.